Anonymous Messages Left in B. Diehl's Inbox


You have sexy hair.

I don't know why you don't call yourself Big Diehl

you're pretty cool but, my favorite thing about you is your cat

You are so hot


shave your mustache you look like a pedophfile


You are one of the most narcissistic, untalented people I know of and should honestly just die..

Narwals. Narwhals . Swimming In the ocean. Causing a commotion. Because they are so awesome.

Moody boys are cute.

Sometimes you just have to firmly grasp a curd of cheese and rub it directly on the scrotum.

You are honestly one of the kindest, most complex people I know.

Where am I ? How did I get here? Is this some sort of young people positive affirmation portal? I swear the internet is just so confusing. One moment I am clicking on a picture of a handsome man/lady to drift my digital fingers through his/her long lovely locks and then next thing I know I am on some wide white page being asked to leave some sort of constructive message. Fine, constructive... hmm. let's see. Always believe in the power of your dreams. Or fire. either one. 

Your a faggot


I'd like to play with your beanus.

You remind me so much of my best friend and it makes me feel like I know you more than I do. I think you're cool and your writing is very wonderful. Have a good night :)

You seem to care a lot more about yourself than other people. & You have stupid hair.

I would love nothing more than to have you make sweet, lovely sex to me while reciting poems from Zeller's Alley.

Your poetry is the worst. It's like teenagers who like cutting themselves had an orgy in your mouth. I could not finish your book it was so terrible. I'm sorry. Stick to comedy.

You're a butt :D

I want to pee on your face. Not necessarily in a demeaning way or a romantic way. Not even in a sexual way. I just want to pee on your face


no offense but i think you need help. Ha Some of your fb posts are pretty messed up

I still love you.

I have my copy of Zeller's Alley next to my toilet so I can cry and poop at the same time.

Dear stranger, at night my body lay resting but my heart pounding. I am sound asleep but still my thoughts are of you. I dream of a world, much like Heaven, where you and I embrace. The world disappears and it is just us. It is as if we are in a void filled only by our emotion. No other material possessions matter. Then the sound of my alarm shatters the reality I escape to... and I see how imperfect the world really is.

I would smash you into the corner of a table, with this whale dick.