"Dr. Abscond's Runaway Bible" by Blair Emsick


teacher’s gone blind
gone gone gone blithe bangin’ behind the beehive
gone blue, all plugged up, choking under streaks of invisible red
gone red under a brandishing white
white smoke of doom
white clouds of false hope
white cum soaking into my belly skin
into my belly brain
when I die I want to feel it.
when I die I want to see it.
too bad I’m goin'. high-pitched alley-oops
pitchin' high out the window
blighted, blind-sighted
on booze, on boys on booze --
dangling, one tooth still hanging on
to their mother’s breast.
I ask a myopic cyclops
to teach me how to make a home
out of all my recyclables
where did I go wrong
when did I start choking men during sex
you use it
you lose it
for sex
for love
for none of the above
for just some fucking company
for someone to black out with
you use it
you lose it

mom, dad, cousin gone goin' git
empty vessels with no soul to wrestle free
the sky sucks the rain up with an inhale before a cough
and expels a shiny sleet of mucus
we get so used to sludging in it we forget
how it even got here
we still know nothing about death
but killing for the sake of killing
is something we don’t understand.
I write best when I’m reading
fly best when I’m sitting
and I think a lot of people let themselves be told
they’re not good enough
but today I’m not listening.
hey man!
did you know
that I can’t
say the things
you’ve done to me out loud?
not out of embarrassment
or shame
but because
it feels inhuman.
because of cognitive dissonance.
because of a cosmic fission.
because of a great asteroid that tore off
any semblance of you
that was right and real.
because there isn’t a right to this wrong
the steam from the coffee
floats by your face
because the right thing
to do now
is stay silent
because don’t make a scene
because that’ll
make us think
the teacher who told me he couldn’t talk to me about sexual assault on a philosophical level also told me not to use the word because.
maybe he knew something I didn’t.
maybe there is no philosophizing it
a runaway train with no land left
on its way to hell
but they’re ain’t no easy way to hell