"Coming This Fall on the WB, Immediately Following
The Wayans Brothers" by Brian Alan Ellis
Remake of The Punisher where
homeboy is a sad, self-hating recluse
who, instead of fighting crime, argues
with people on message boards
about politics and TV shows,
writes poetry, listens to emo music
from the early aughts, and maybe
has some random-ass pet,
like a gerbil or whatever.
Also, instead of weapons
he collects personalized vape mods.
And his family wasn’t murdered;
he just chooses to block them
on Facebook.
"All You Really Need to Know About My Mental Health Is
That I Run Three Twitter Accounts" by Brian Alan Ellis
Switching from one Twitter account to the next
is like going into a phone booth
thinking you’ll become Superman
but then you don’t change into much
of anything.
[Cue the “I’m no Superman” part from
the theme song to the hit TV show Scrubs.]
"A Nightmare Where You’re Just Watching TV
with Your Stepdad" by Brian Alan Ellis
Just saw a dude walking down the street
using cardboard boxes as an umbrella
and thought, Same,
but emotionally.