←

"Coming This Fall on the WB, Immediately Following 
The Wayans Brothers" by Brian Alan Ellis

Remake of The Punisher where 

homeboy is a sad, self-hating recluse 

who, instead of fighting crime, argues 

with people on message boards 

about politics and TV shows, 

writes poetry, listens to emo music 

from the early aughts, and maybe 

has some random-ass pet, 

like a gerbil or whatever. 

Also, instead of weapons 

he collects personalized vape mods. 

And his family wasn’t murdered; 

he just chooses to block them 

on Facebook.

"All You Really Need to Know About My Mental Health Is
That I Run Three Twitter Accounts" by Brian Alan Ellis
 

Switching from one Twitter account to the next 

is like going into a phone booth

thinking you’ll become Superman 

but then you don’t change into much 

of anything.

[Cue the “I’m no Superman” part from 

the theme song to the hit TV show Scrubs.]

"A Nightmare Where You’re Just Watching TV
with Your Stepdad" by Brian Alan Ellis
 

Just saw a dude walking down the street 

using cardboard boxes as an umbrella 

and thought, Same, 

but emotionally.