"If I Ever Had My Very Own Netflix Comedy Special, I Would Probably Name It Suicide Spank Bank" by Brian Alan Ellis
Random 10-second fantasy where
I gather all the confidence I have left in life
to perform a stand-up comedy routine
and I meltdown-level bomb on stage
and then kill myself a week later
but for other reasons
so don’t blame comedy.
"The Unbearable Lightness of Being Tagged in Someone’s Facebook Memory" by Brian Alan Ellis
Sometimes you wonder why you’ve remained
friends with a person after so many years
but then you remember
the sealed Married with Children comic book
tacked to their living room wall
and you’re all like,
"Certified Fresh!" by Brian Alan Ellis
I did not see the new Star Wars movie.
What I did see, however, was
an old man have a heart attack
and get taken out of the restaurant
on a stretcher
as his family stayed
and finished their meal.
Which reminds me:
Seeing Bladebummer tonight,
which isn’t a movie but
a live action tour de force
where I probably have to clean
a grown person’s vomit
out of the bathroom sink
while at work.