←

"Dear Nerd, In Regard to Your Nerd Theory" by Daniel Crocker
 

I can say with some confidence

that if I could choose one super power

it would be a cyber-tooth

Likely, I'd be the descendant

of Wolverine from some alternate

universe brought to Earth-616

by one of Reed Richard's crazy ass

experiments with the negative zone

Eventually, I'd come to see Logan

as a father figure and after much adjustment,

I might even join X-Force

or some lesser known group of mutants

Unfortunately, like Wolverine

I too would have a thing for redheads

My unquenchable lust for Jean Grey

would drive me to fits of insanity

At first, the old man would have my back

but after I joined the Brotherhood of

Evil Mutants, he'd feel it necessary to

hunt me down like a wild animal

Luckily for me, my tingling cyber-tooth

would give just enough warning

for me to escape back to my own world

Sure, he'd get a few good licks in

but my mild healing factor

which I'd previously used only

for hangovers and and stumped toes

would keep me alive

Once back in my own time-line

I would be turned from my evil

ways by the love of a good woman

A woman I can only assume

would be Tiffany

of Mall rock fame

So, to answer your question

I wouldn't want Omega level

powers like the Beyonder or Thanos

Dear, God, No

Look at all the pain

I wrought

with nothing

but this stupid cyber-tooth

and low self-esteem.

​

​