"A Kid's Song" by Daniel Crocker
I think whoever wrote
the nobody likes me
everybody hates me
so I guess I'm gonna
go eat worms song
wrote it in a moment
of existential despair
Perhaps he thought
he could somehow exert
his power over the worms. As if
in the mere act of eating
or osmosis
all of his fears would
fade away into the lining
of his stomach and form
an impenetrable pit
It could give him the peace
that being warshed in the blood
of the lamb once did
but the song didn't work
Art never works
It's the worms that eat us all he thought
It's the worms that eat us all.
"Things That Could Go Wrong at a Dinner Party" by Daniel Crocker
You'll have to eat around strangers
possibly all around the same table
Everyone will look at you while you eat
and ask how everything is
You might have to stand in line
to make a plate. Everyone will
look at you while you make your plate
Someone might say, you have to try
this potato salad. It's great
You'll have to try the potato salad
You'll want to act like you love it
whether you do or not
Make sure your facial reaction is appropriate
Everyone will judge you
If you don't want dessert
They'll force dessert on you
You're too afraid of everything
to say no
Keep an eye on how many beers you drink
Normal people drink moderately
Welp . . .
there will come a time when someone
asks you what you've been working on
over the summer
You can make something up
or you can tell them the truth
I've just been trying to survive
I do my best to get out of bed in the morning
Good news, I didn't kill myself today
Then, for God's sake
someone will want to play Pictionary.
"Serious Line I Thought of in Mania While Cooking, Liked, Then Realized It Would Make a Great Line in an ’80s Rock Song" by Daniel Crocker
I don't take my hot dog
out of the microwave
until it starts screaming.