"A Kid's Song" by Daniel Crocker


I think whoever wrote

the nobody likes me

everybody hates me

so I guess I'm gonna

go eat worms song

wrote it in a moment

of existential despair

 

Perhaps he thought

he could somehow exert

his power over the worms. As if

in the mere act of eating

or osmosis

all of his fears would

fade away into the lining

of his stomach and form

an impenetrable pit

 

It could give him the peace

that being warshed in the blood

of the lamb once did

 

but the song didn't work

Art never works

It's the worms that eat us all he thought

It's the worms that eat us all.

"Things That Could Go Wrong at a Dinner Party" by Daniel Crocker

 

You'll have to eat around strangers

possibly all around the same table

Everyone will look at you while you eat

and ask how everything is

 

You might have to stand in line

to make a plate. Everyone will

look at you while you make your plate

 

Someone might say, you have to try

this potato salad. It's great

 

You'll have to try the potato salad

You'll want to act like you love it

whether you do or not

 

Make sure your facial reaction is appropriate

 

Everyone will judge you

 

If you don't want dessert

They'll force dessert on you

 

You're too afraid of everything

to say no

 

Keep an eye on how many beers you drink

Normal people drink moderately

Welp . . .

 

there will come a time when someone

asks you what you've been working on

over the summer

 

You can make something up

or you can tell them the truth

I've just been trying to survive

I do my best to get out of bed in the morning

Good news, I didn't kill myself today

 

Then, for God's sake

someone will want to play Pictionary. 

"Serious Line I Thought of in Mania While Cooking, Liked, Then Realized It Would Make a Great Line in an ’80s Rock Song" by Daniel Crocker


I don't take my hot dog

out of the microwave

until it starts screaming.