"A Kid's Song" by Daniel Crocker

I think whoever wrote

the nobody likes me

everybody hates me

so I guess I'm gonna

go eat worms song

wrote it in a moment

of existential despair


Perhaps he thought

he could somehow exert

his power over the worms. As if

in the mere act of eating

or osmosis

all of his fears would

fade away into the lining

of his stomach and form

an impenetrable pit


It could give him the peace

that being warshed in the blood

of the lamb once did


but the song didn't work

Art never works

It's the worms that eat us all he thought

It's the worms that eat us all.

"Things That Could Go Wrong at a Dinner Party" by Daniel Crocker


You'll have to eat around strangers

possibly all around the same table

Everyone will look at you while you eat

and ask how everything is


You might have to stand in line

to make a plate. Everyone will

look at you while you make your plate


Someone might say, you have to try

this potato salad. It's great


You'll have to try the potato salad

You'll want to act like you love it

whether you do or not


Make sure your facial reaction is appropriate


Everyone will judge you


If you don't want dessert

They'll force dessert on you


You're too afraid of everything

to say no


Keep an eye on how many beers you drink

Normal people drink moderately

Welp . . .


there will come a time when someone

asks you what you've been working on

over the summer


You can make something up

or you can tell them the truth

I've just been trying to survive

I do my best to get out of bed in the morning

Good news, I didn't kill myself today


Then, for God's sake

someone will want to play Pictionary. 

"Serious Line I Thought of in Mania While Cooking, Liked, Then Realized It Would Make a Great Line in an ’80s Rock Song" by Daniel Crocker

I don't take my hot dog

out of the microwave

until it starts screaming.