"A Thinkpiece About Kanye West Which Somehow Explains the Source of My Depression While Also Explaining the Source of the Depression of Many Others" by June Gehringer
 

"It turns out plants are sentient."
 

"What," said Jess.
 

"It turns our plants are sentient," Karen said again.
 

"Okay," said Jess.
 

Jess was living in a nondescript apartment. The nondescriptness of the apartment, to Jess, seemed preferable. "It could be practically anything," thought Jess. "My apartment could be anything."
 

Jess had been attempting to read a novel or novella by Thomas Pynchon, but found herself thinking, frequently, and to her irritation, "What the fuck is going on." The characters were in a bar. Then they were in a motel. Then they were stealing a boat.
 

"What could possibly be the point of this," thought Jess, while mumbling something aloud.

"What," said Karen.

"What," said Jess.

Their lives continued in such fashion for several years.

 

One day, Karen said to Jess, "I'm thinking of adopting a cat."

"No, no don't," said Jess.

"Why not," said Karen.

 

"You just like thinking of the cat but you aren't actually thinking of what it would be like to have a cat. Like the thought and the thing are different and the thought is good so you think you want the thing when the thought is what you want."
 

"What," said Karen.
 

"I don't know," said Jess. "I think I got too high."
 

A few days later Karen was reading articles on various websites on the internet. She read an article in The Atlantic authored by a guy named Chris. She read an article in The New Yorker by a (presumably but not verifiably distinct) guy named Chris. She read an article on â€‹pitchfork.com.
 

"Holy shit," said Karen.

"What," said Jess.

"You have to read this article," said Karen.

"What's it about."

"Kanye West."