"Ann E. Dunwoody" by Lauren Dostal
I sat next to Ann E. Dunwoody
one time and she said, Hi, I'm Ann E. Dunwoody
and I said to the bartender, two beers,
please. And she said, Nice to meet you, but I really
would prefer a cosmo since I am a woman.
And I said, how is it you joined the military and
worked your way up to become the nation's first
female four star general? And she said, Ya,
that was a tough one
and that she is really glad there are now
a couple more ladies in the upper ranks
fetching coffee for the other 978 generals and admirals
was getting pretty difficult on her own. And then she said,
Do you want to see me balance 978
cups of coffee on my body? And of course
I had to consent to this amazing feat. And she did it,
trays on her arms, head, shoulders, and feet,
waddling like a penguin in her fatigues.
And I said, is that all they let you do?
And she said, No! Of course not! I got
to redesign the uniforms, too. Every few years, I got
to do it. They said, Ann, we know it will cost
the tax payers billions, but we do not believe
your feminine graces should be wasted on the
mass slaughter of foreign armies. So every time they saw me
sitting idle at my desk waiting for orders, they swooped in
and saved me from my boredom by suggesting
another fashion project.
I felt used at first, but look at our boys in green!
Don't they just sparkle in that couture desert camouflage?