"My Dear Melancholy, Is The Weeknd's
Most Emo Album EVER" by Leza Cantoral

Abel Makkonen Tesfaye is the 28-year-old artist behind the persona, behind the brand, the band. He writes & records all the music himself. Like Trent Reznor or Stravinsky, he is an artist. He is not in it for the fame or the bitches, even though his persona is all about that. There is a darkness in his words and compositions. The Michael Jackson influence is unmistakable.


The loneliness of the party life, the compulsive search for the self and away from it. When I think of his songs that is what I connect to. I know what that feels like all too well as a bipolar person. It is a scary thing & you wanna escape it. The easiest way to escape is through sex or drugs. Art if you are super ambitious & extra insane.

Abel has a silky voice, full of pain, depth, & a really hot ‘no shits given' attitude.


Gossip side-note: My Dear Melancholy, was written after Abel's breakup with Selena Gomez. Normally it would not matter, but I wrote a poem called ‘Selena Was 2 Good 4 U’ about her & Justin Bieber. And, that’s not the important part. The important part is SHE IS NOW BACK WITH JUSTIN BIEBER. They’re going to church together & other creepy shit. GOOGLE IT.

I was already fantasizing about Abel and Selena's adorable babies (shut up I am not unhealthily obsessed with celebrities).

[insert crying emoji]

So disappointed in both of them really because they’re both so cute together. And before anyone says that Selena is some vapid hoe, yes, she might have been at one time part of Taylor Swift’s ‘squad’ that is neither here nor there. Taylor does not like Justin & she has always made it clear to her. Whether you are part of Selena’s squad or not, you can see she has made a grave mistake. Then again, you listen to this album and might be like damn, bitch, you just dodged a bullet.




The opening song ‘Call Out My Name’ elicits two opposite reactions in me. I hear the melody & the tones & I love it. I hear what he is saying. 


“Girl why can’t you wait till I fall out of love, will you call out my name?

I said I didn’t feel nothing baby,

But I lied, I almost cut a piece of myself for your life

Guess I was just another pit stop till you made up your mind.”


Burn. You’re like, damn. The distortion when he yells ‘call’ gives me chills. There is an echo. This is supposedly about how he offered to give Selena Gomez one of his kidneys. She has Lupus & needed a kidney. His blood ended up not being compatible & she got one from a friend of hers.

Another sick breakup burn: “You just wasted my time.”


From ‘Wasted Times': “Who do you belong to now?”


Like, okay. No comment needed. But it is a sexy song when you listen to it. You can relate to his yearning. 

“And I’m gonna fuck the pain away, and I know I'll be okay."


Again, sounds like a dick line. If someone broke up with me and said this to me I would think they were really emotionally immature. I actually have had an ex say this to me when I left him in high school as I went to college. He also told me he was trying to be good for me but since I left he did not care anymore & was just gonna do ALL THE DRUGS. And I was like, okay, that’s your choice. He’s a cop now btw. 

With The Weeknd, you get the real deal. The talent, the voice, the soul of a true artist. You can never say he’s not laying it down. All in all this is a mellow but emotional album. Good for fucking or crying, like most of his music. It has a darker tone that reminds me more of Beauty Behind the Madness than the glossy & poppy up tempo vibe of Starboy. So if you dug Beauty you will probably dig this. It is an EP so it’s short. Just 6 songs.



Does everyone remember when Justin Bieber was pissing in buckets, doing sizzurp & egging Hollywood houses? I hate to say it but I miss the old Bieber. Also, fuck his ‘Boyfriend’ song. It is such a crock of shit. Here is my poem about how Selena so deserved better.

'Selena Was 2 Good 4 U'


selana was 2 good 4 u

but the heart wants what it wants

u put that pussy on lockdown

she laid it down

and u buried your face in stripper boobs

and drank sizzurp with rappers


your “boyfriend” video

is false advertising

‘cause you’re a shitty boyfriend


no girl in her right mind

would ever eat fondu w/ u

‘Selena Was 2 Good 4 You’ appears in issue #1 of CLASH Magazine & Philosophical Idiot.


For further reading on Justin Bieber related content aka my favorite line I have ever written: “Justin Bieber doesn’t care who’s snorting coke off his cock as long as SOMEONE is snorting coke off his cock.” (From ‘Dope’ in Cartoons in the Suicide Forest, a collection of twisted fairy tales & literary horror.