"Two Paramedics" by Neil Clark
“It’ll get better,” says the first paramedic. “You’ll be fine.”
“This is only going to get worse,” says the other.
“I’m going to take your blood pressure,” says the first. “Stay still for me.”
The other paramedic grabs me. Shakes me. Tells me, “Snap out of it!”
“There’s no time,” says the first. “We need to amputate here and now.”
The other starts slicing my soul out, until my soul is watching my body on the street with the two paramedics kneeling over it.
“You’ve done it wrong!” says the first paramedic. “You don’t amputate the soul from the body. You amputate the body from the soul. Let me demonstrate…”
The first paramedic tackles my soul to the ground, then slices my body from it.
There is now two of my body. There are now two of my bodies.
My soul is confused.
“Now we need another ambulance!” says the other paramedic.
By the time the new ambulance arrives, the original paramedics have knocked each other out and require medical attention.
My soul watches the two new paramedics jump out of their ambulance and purvey the scene.
The new first paramedic goes to the original first paramedic and amputates their soul from their body. The new other paramedic goes to the original other paramedic and amputates their body from their soul.
“You don’t amputate the soul from the body!” says the new other.
“You don’t amputate the body from the soul!” says the new first.
“Let me demonstrate,” they say in tandem. They swap paramedics and perform further amputations in their own respective ways.
My soul purveys the scene.
Now there is are two of my body bodies, two bodies of the original first paramedic, two of the original other. In total, six bodies.
The two new paramedics call another five ambulances, then proceed to knock each other out.
Ten new paramedics arrive. They purvey the scene.
The souls of the two original paramedics join me at the bar across the road.
We observe, start a tab and gather all the spare seats we can find.