25 Unedited Tweets by Nicholas Bon

what's a twitter and how do I start one???

I just got a brand deal so now all my posts will be sponsored by ennui

Don't tell me you're extremely online if you can't name at least three (3) forums that you have/had accounts on

Just realized that I'm the first person on twitter to realize that Easter fell on the same day as April Fool's Day this year I'm going to hurry up and think up a good tweet before somebody else also realizes this amusing coincidence

A good way to get popular on twitter is to just link to whatever hot article or post is currently trendy to mock and then say something like "wow this is bad"

the biggest change to my lifestyle that twitter has caused is that now I spend a significant part of my day looking at pictures of birds

I can't stop thinking about how every post now is just "I can't stop thinking about __________________"

Me, meditating: I CAN stop thinking about this

the highest form of intimacy is being mutuals on twitter dot com

sext: you're the reason I found out that twitter only lets you send somebody 1000 DMs in a day

And if you can't tweet the posts you love, honey, love the posts you tweet 🎶

sext: I don't even care about twitter when I'm talking to you


sext: I would have quit twitter if you didn't post here

scarface but at the end there's a giant pile of tweets printed out on sheets of paper

gonna clone myself so I can follow myself on twitter

*grizzled old sea captain looking out into the fog voice* timeline's quiet tonight

twitter is simple you just gotta sometimes base your entire life around it

Well I've heard there was a secret post
That David made and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for twitter, do you? 

Rise n grind i say, waking up at 3 PM and immediately logging onto Twitter

im an influencer and that's why i get so many brand deals

*I walk to my desk at the posting factory and push all the political tweets and twitter fights off it and onto the ground* Thats better

When people post about being extremely online & never going outside but then all they seem to do is go out & be social & have friends that's called stolen pallor

It's hard work being an influencer, and I don't take my responsibility lightly

What brands should i base my identity around