"Inevitability" by Nicholas Grider


The stage is bare except for a soft mattress on the floor (full-sized or larger) to which extra cushioning has been added, making it very fluffy. A man stands behind the mattress, facing it and the audience, leaning a bit over the mattress. The man is dressed in a "white tie and tails" tuxedo and is wrapped cartoonishly with rope and chain. His arms are pinned to his sides and his legs are bound together. He leans over the mattress. There is a slight pause.

FALLING MAN (intensely and somewhat angrily):

I’m gonna fall! I’m telling you, it’s gonna happen, I’m gonna fall!

I’m gonna fall over! I’m gonna fall!

 

            Pause.

 

It’s gonna happen! It’s really going to happen, just watch! I’m falling! I’m gonna fall!

 

            Pause. He leans a little more.

 

You think I’m kidding but I’m not kidding! I’m really gonna fall, it’s gonna happen! You’ll see! It’ll happen, I’ll fall!

 

            Pause.

 

I’m serious! You don’t think I’m serious? You better watch out, because I’m serious!

It’s gonna happen, it’s nature, you can’t stop nature!

 

            Pause.

 

It’s an Act of God! Gravity! Does anyone understand it? No! It works anyway!

 

            Pause.

 

It’s really gonna happen, I promise! I’m not kidding around, this is serious!

 

            Pause. The man falls onto the mattress. Another short pause.

 

I fell! It happened! I did it, I fell!

 

            Pause.

 

I fell over!

 

            Pause. He rolls onto his back.

 

I fell, I just fell down just like I said would happen

and now I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!

 

            Pause.

 

I said I can’t get up! Get in here! I fell over and I can’t get back up!

 

            Pause.

 

I’m telling you! I lie here like this any longer and I might get to like it!

 

            Pause.

 

Actually I do kind of like it. It has its charms.

 

            Pause.

 

I’m starting to like this!

 

            Pause.

 

I got to like it just like I said I would! See? I’m always right!

 

            Pause.

 

Anybody?

 

            Pause.

 

Is anybody there? Anyone?

 

            Long pause.

 

Somebody’s supposed to be there.

 

            Pause.

 

I need to take a piss.

 

            Pause.

 

Anyone? Anybody?!

Somebody’s about to get fired! Very, very fired!

 

            Pause.

 

I need to pee! Now!

 

            Long pause.

 

Nevermind.