"Longing" by Samuel J Fox

 

i have always wanted to be a picture frame placed on your mantle in the apartment in which we’ve never had sex       i imagine when you miss me like a wedding ring       i will be turned face up

 

i have always imagined our lives to be a glass castle in which we did not have to worry about anything breaking because it must be broken from the inside out

 

i forever feel like we are mirrors looking at each other everything around us repeats into eternity

but we just stand there looking on as though there’s nothing we can do to touch each other

 

can i just be the revolving door you enter ever readily whenever heartache hammers another tack

in your pulsing wall to hang a crooked banner scribbled with words some other man said and did

not mean

 

you can come through anytime you feel so long as you come for me

 

if you want i can break in front of you       that isn’t too difficult       i do it in private all the time

what makes my eyes shattering into your hands instead of mine any different

 

i can sob how much i don’t need you but want you more than any pitiful weed sprung in this world wants its sunlight

 

i could be a man and hide it in my fist my knuckles crashing through drywall but that doesn’t make me a man that makes me stupid for having placed a hole in a wall we painted together

 

or i can just whisper i love you over and over again until you tell me to shut up or believe it

 

if anything let me be the ray of moonlight that casts itself over your cheek on the nights you feel less lonely       when you think of me i could stay there with you like that                            just like that

 

have you ever considered my loneliness at all or is this meant to be: i wearing a dark raincoat soaked to the marrow and you too sad to open a window to tell me to wait just five more minutes