"Evil Plan for World Domination, or How to Get on Button Poetry" by TC Kody

  • don’t suck

  • do live in Minneapolis, the Midwest, or New England

  • slam

  • say “which is to say” a lot

  • which is to say

  • discard the old clichés

  • in favor of new ones

  • be a white straight guy or

  • be emphatically not a white straight guy

  • which is to say

  • be marketable

  • call out elitism in academia

  • get an MFA

  • make extensive use of irony

  • stop slamming

  • write list poems about music

  • or other relatable things

  • that are really about social issues

  • with viral potential

  • which is to say

  • have a truly vital message

  • but it is more important to

  • be marketable

  • ?

  • ?

  • ?

  • Profit?

"Me Time" by TC Kody

One time I noticed I was cute.
I asked me on a date. I said yes.
We went for coffee and walked
in the park for hours. I chainsmoked

the whole time, which I thought

was gross but also kind of hot.

When I got hungry, we ate dinner.

I cleaned my plate. I barely touched my food.

We argued over if we should split the bill.
Finally I let me pay for it. I couldn't help but notice
I am a stingy tipper.


We went back to my place. I asked me
how I felt about us. I didn't get an answer,
but we talked late into the night. I said

some things that I didn't agree with. I stayed

over anyway.

I decided I didn't like me that much.
I never called me back.

"The Break Up" by TC Kody

when Jesus and I broke up

it seemed like everything

was going to be ok


I didn’t even mean to do it

when we last talked

the words just sort of

came out

of my mouth


He said sorry

for being so distant

for always being away

on business


I said sorry

for all the silent treatment

actually no, I’m not

you started that shit

and I am tired of the gaslighting


everyone says you love me unconditionally

but I have never actually heard it

from you


and He seemed to take it fine

didn’t want me to leave

but respected my decision


at first it looked like He was dealing

with it in a healthy way

His instagram was all Him

listening to Sufjan Stevens alone

and taking long walks on the lake

whenever it stormed


then He started drinking

I think someone told Him

hydration is the best way to fight

depression and forgot

who it was they were talking to


Jesus stopped being regular sad

and began to be creepy sad


drunk on Taco Bell tap water

Jesus sent me ill

advised text messages

I never answered


He left messages in places

He knew I would be

grocery store magazines that said




Jesus sent friends to try

and talk to me for Him


they told me He was hurting Himself

that He bled for me

some of them said He even died for me


and of course I still love Jesus

still want the best for Him

part of me even wants to be with Him again


hell I have His initials tattooed above my heart

as a reminder of the patient and kind man He was to me


but that is a codependency I cannot allow myself again


what if next time it is me who bleeds?

me who dies?


I do not have as many friends as Jesus

and when I die

there is no coming back