30 Unedited Tweets by Kat Giordano

“you’re not the boss of me now” –me, fucking frankie muniz

woke up and reached over to the empty side of my bed and my hand grazed cracker crumbs from last night.

i'd better get a lot less sad before bojack season 4 drops or this might finally be the season that induces a full-on mental breakdown

local manic poet constructs elaborate meet-cute fantasy at 3:30 AM involving man selling vintage dressers on Facebook marketplace

local manic poet constructs alternative fantasy in which seller of vintage dressers meticulously removes all of her organs & eats them

just thought, "i'm not really Still in a heightened state am i?" before running and jumping onto my couch

was using the phrase "my trauma" while messaging a friend and my phone autocorrected it to "traumas"

there's something so poignantly depressing about the single bratwurst I'm cooking in my toaster oven rn

every gossip girl plot in which Dan Humphrey is a Writer™ and gets Published™ is a total slap in the face

wow, a vaguely attractive white dude becomes wildly successful by writing self-insert "fiction" about his friends

not only does he get published in THE NEW YORKER at 17, but The Paris Review solicits work from him when he's still in high school. fuck


my aesthetic: this two year old AWP tote bag I found under my bed that smells like weed

doing the creative equivalent of moving the same pile of trash from your bed to your chair and calling it “cleaning”

started blasting a Massive Attack album in my empty house but my cat got too upset

getting what you want is super overrated

my dissociated ass watching my physical body focus on my eyebrows and not my busted personal relationships: you’re doing great sweetie!

is this thing my fault or am I blaming myself to maintain some illusion of control over other people’s inner lives?: my autobiography


Thursday update: still not in control of my feelings and still toeing the line between self-deprecating humor and blatant vagueposting

@ literally anyone who has had a good day in the past month: what is your secret?!

“what’s your blood type?” is probably one of my weirder 4 AM texts


i’m moving across the state tomorrow and i can’t get out of bed

gofundme to help treat steve bannon’s scurvy

me: so I was looking at WebMD and…
[studio audience groans]

just got nauseous thinking about the fact that ketchup exists

siri, tell twitter i moved to Pittsburgh but in a way that communicates that even this major life event has been dulled by ennui

pro: i live above a liquor store
con: i live above a liquor store

don’t laugh, but “how you remind me” by nickelback punches me right in the gut

okay kids, it’s time to *spins wheel* listen to trashy 2000s pop in order to cope with *rolls die* the anxiety of *draws card* being alone!

“i want Attention and Interaction,” i groan, doing literally nothing to warrant either of those two things

the last season of gossip girl is such a dumpster fire