30 Unedited Tweets by Kristie Shoemaker

depression and sparkling water, name a more iconic duo i will wait 

it's so romantic when u wake up next to ur partner and both immediately pick up ur phones and scroll through social media without talking


my mom asked me how i was and i just politely closed my door and blasted hawthorne heights until she went away


u ever dab so hard on the haters that ur fidget spinner rips a hole in space & time & the haters are replaced by the members of switchfoot


i want u to draw me like one of ur french girls but the lights have to be off and we need to be in separate rooms


i've eaten an entire jar of pickles today do u wanna date me

going to bottle my tears and sell them on etsy


i've been on airplane mode since birth


sext: i will ignore u and flake on plans and get sad a lot but will randomly text u at 3am months later desperate for human interaction


my new aesthetic is 'small child at the grocery store who got separated from her mom and is crying by the pizza lunchables'


just chased my dog around screaming ‘world star’ at her if u were wondering if i am still unstable


sending a boy pictures of my rock collection trying to impress him


me, flirting: here are twenty memes about my deteriorating mental health and a video of me drunk singing elliott smith


i’m Very Stoned and a yellow moth just landed on my nose i am not even lying this is a damn poem


just said ‘i am above the influence’ out loud to no one except this moth


i wanna share a drawer at the morgue with u

u ever make a typo in a tweet and then get really mad and end up texting ur mom ‘WHY WAS I EVEN BORN’


instead of ‘wake and bake’ it should be ‘wake and ache’


frozen pizza for breakfast, it’s not delivery it’s depression


me, flirting: i’m washing the crumbs out of my bed for u


the scene in ‘space jam’ where michael jordan decides to play basketball after telling everyone he’s never playing it again fucks me up


my grandma said to me today ‘i have never done a weed’ and if that isn’t the most pure thing u have ever heard idk what is


me, when i’m on my deathbed at 100: emo isn’t a fad mom, it’s a lifestyle


if u write a poem about someone don't ever send it to them just keep it to urself and send them an emoji instead and immediately block them


i want to go to couples therapy but like only with myself


u ever stare into the void so long u hear it whisper 'same'


*opens up private browsing to take buzzfeed quizzes*


i am trying to write a poem and literally the only sentence is ‘lol how high is too high’


wait ur trying to tell me getting stoned and masturbating aren’t healthy coping mechanisms

me, flirting: so i need to look up ur birth chart before we kiss